Since last week’s topic was self-compassion I’ve been giving what that means and what that looks like a lot of thought. So i thought I’d put my thoughts here to see what you think. Here is what I’ve come up with so far…
The first step for self compassion to me is acceptance. I have to accept where I am at and what I have done. Not with any emotion or agenda but merely for the fact of it being where I am currently standing. We cannot change what we do not face, we cannot face what we will not accept. So to me acceptance is the first step. What I have come to realize in my own journey is that words have power, not like Harry Potter but with our word association. When I think about being compassionate it is acting from a place of strength or security to help someone in distress or need. I had associated the words of acceptance with happy, content, and even satisfaction. When i think about it now it doesn’t make much sense but in my mind at that time they were all linked. We talk at times about how the program has helped change our relationship with food. I think another part is to help me change my relationship to my own emotions. Instead of being ruled by my emotions, instead of letting them flood over me without acknowledgment or recognition of what they are, why they are I was ruled by them. I have had to work to break my own word association. I have had to learn each emotion for what it is, not for what else I have tied to it out of security or similarity. As I have worked to separate my own emotions I have been better able to acknowledge how I feel and figure out why. So many of my actions and choices were based solely on my emotions. Maybe this example will help illustrate why I believe knowing my emotions is so important. If I have a horrible day at work and I’m angry or frustrated and on my way home my cell phone rings and a friend inadvertently pokes that particular sore spot and I blow up and unload on them I can hurt their feelings. If afterward i call and apologize but I’ve spent no time to understand what I was feeling or why I blew up at them my apology is hollow. It has no meaning because I have learned nothing new so I am likely to repeat the same scenario again the next time. If i learn what that emotion felt like, why it happened the next time I feel that way I can better navigate my interaction with my friend to either prevent the explosion or to help them understand why it happened when and how it did. As I have begun to identify my emotions I have started to be able to make choices based on what is truly best for me instead of only what feels best in that immediate moment. I still have struggles and temptations and I still fall off the wagon at times but I also have days where I can recognize that I am sad or angry or bored and by knowing that, I am better equipped to avoid emotional eating in those heat of the moment scenarios. By isolating the feeling of acceptance I have been able to accept where I stand, not that I am content to stay there but I acknowledge it is where I currently stand. It helps me to see the things I have done right and the things I have stumbled over that have led me to stand in this spot right here, right now. By being able to properly accept my current situation I have been better able to show compassion because I can objectively see the good decisions and the poor choices that brought me there. I can be honest about the good and the bad and know that it doesn’t define me and it won’t limit me. I can be compassionate about that, knowing that I will evaluate, learn, grow and change and the next hour, the next week, the next month will be different and will provide me a new place to stand and a different point of view than I have right now. It is not good or bad, it merely is.